Saturday, September 02, 2006

JsEaRdMmSe

My dad bought a new com... AGAIN.... 2nd com in 6 weeks... I'm not really complaing cuz now i get to bring the old com (which still kinda rocks.... just gotta format the bugs away) to hall now... anyway, I'm trying to help my dad setup and transfer the stuff from the old to the new and it's taken up at least 2.5 hours and counting... Supposed to do my art work but I don't know what the hell I'm doing.


Beside me I'm watching "The divine secrets of the yaya sisterhood" an old flick with a star studded cast but I forgot most of their names except ashley judd and sandra bullocks. The show is too heart warming. Too sad. Too carefree. Too emotional.

I'm an emotional wreck. Almost cried 3 times today during my mad bouts and now watching this show I almost cried another two times just cuz I wanted to. Thought about her in the afternoon. It's probably not who you all think it is. I always think of her at a time like this. It's not fair. I'll leave it as that.

"Daddy, did you get loved enough?"
"What's enough? Did you?"

I don't know what has happened to me. Life hasn't been good. I don't blame God. I never do. Remember job.

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Job;&version=31;

The show continues.

"Forgive me father for I bear bad thoughts..."
"Then you must bury these thoughts."
"But what if I can't?"
"Then you must ask our blessed mother to teach you how to bury these ideas away and lead you to the right path."

Everytime I think that I cannot make it or feel that somehow I begin to ponder more on the lords prayers.

[... do not bring us to the test but deliver us...]

I quote from ah Poh.
"Let me educate you. It's not that your xxx suck. It's just that good xxx hasn't come yet"

I thought about that statement for a long time.
I used to think and feel the same way.
4 bad years in the past bit of my life has made me jaded.
I tried to look for that silver lining.
Everything happy that has happened has been taken away.
The only thing going on for me now is getting into school.
I hope that I can stay in school.
If I continue writing I know I will cry.

I told someone this afternoon. "I don't believe in anything eternal but god anymore."
There isn't so yeah. Grow up... Nothing lasts. Nothing happy nothing sad.

"I'm sure there are things you remember that you'd rather forget..."

What's wrong with this show....
Goodnight.

TTFN tatafornow
JeRmS

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