Dependancy
I was talking to Good ole KUZ beatrice a couple of days ago and we came upon this issue on dependency.
She was telling me that Gab questioned her on whether or not she had such issues and she realised how true it was.
And since we got to that topic, I started to wonder about myself.
Everytime I have an early leave from work, the first thing I'd do is call a friend to ask if he or she is free to spend some time together. The unfortunate thing is that MOST or rather ALL of my friends who have seen me through the times now have found their own paths and no one seems to be there anymore.
I still remember the days when I could just give a ring to good old pals like Ben and he'd come running down to meet me regardless of time and day. That happened vice versa of course. But now everyone seems to be so busy all the time.
Last Saturday was terrible. I spent the WHOLE day at home not because I wanted to. But because no one wanted to go out with me. Ben was with if GF and he said he'd call me back (which he did at like 11pm...so much for that) Rach had her stuff, Beatrice had her stuff.... and I didn't really know who I can ask out and what to do on such short notice. NO ONE is willing to just sit at a kopi tiam (where it's cheap) and simply stone and spend some quality time with each other anymore.
No wonder everyone is out looking for a spouse. When you have a girl or boy friend, he or she is dedicated to you. It is a must to meet up every once in awhile (for ppl like ben it's slightly more though) and almost mandatory that a simple gesture of an sms or a phone call is to be made everyday!
Hey! I like attention and that fact has been known to myself for a really long time! Nevertheless fear of failure has led me to a state whereby I create barriers between myself and others. I simply lost the ability and courage to open my mouth and tell people whom I have special feelings for what I really feel. So much so that I start to ignore, shun and eventually drift away from them.
No wonder I could never bring myself to "jioing" ppl I've known for ages. If you go after someone new, there's nothing to lose! You havent even gotten to know him/her (err only hers for my case) well enough to lose whatever ties you have forged! And goodey two shoes me also cannot bring myself to having one night stands or taking advantage of women and flirting irresponsibily. In that sense, I even fail as a "Swinging Bachelor!"
Some people..... In fact, many have told me, "Hey JeRmS, I'm sure you have the ability to get practically any girl you wanted. You're nice, sweet, and funny! Plus you don't look half bad!"
Thanks guys but sometimes it's all about my own mental. I've come to realise that I'm all talk and no action. I know what's to be done and many times I even give some good advice! (Come on... you know its true) But somehow I just can't walk the walk.
Then again.... The issue here is NOT about having a spouse, but about dependancy. Companionship is more important than anything else!(Ok..... that kinda sounds towards the road of gay'dom but whatever..) That's what I thought when I boldly claimed that I have seen the light on love and relationships. So what do you do when every buddy and pal that braved the stormy weathers with you leave after finding their own compainions? Emptiness is what remains. No one but god can stay beside you all the way. But how long can you last with something/one that is based only on firm belief? Not that I do not I am only human. And humans are weak.
Well I'm already 20 years young and in 2 months time I'd be 21..... The clock is ticking. 5 years ago I'd say time will tell.... Can I still say the same 5 years from now?
Gawd...... I suck..... Haha someone smack some of the confidence I used to have in me and I'd treat you to ice cream........ Fail and I'd smack you back! haha.
She was telling me that Gab questioned her on whether or not she had such issues and she realised how true it was.
And since we got to that topic, I started to wonder about myself.
Everytime I have an early leave from work, the first thing I'd do is call a friend to ask if he or she is free to spend some time together. The unfortunate thing is that MOST or rather ALL of my friends who have seen me through the times now have found their own paths and no one seems to be there anymore.
I still remember the days when I could just give a ring to good old pals like Ben and he'd come running down to meet me regardless of time and day. That happened vice versa of course. But now everyone seems to be so busy all the time.
Last Saturday was terrible. I spent the WHOLE day at home not because I wanted to. But because no one wanted to go out with me. Ben was with if GF and he said he'd call me back (which he did at like 11pm...so much for that) Rach had her stuff, Beatrice had her stuff.... and I didn't really know who I can ask out and what to do on such short notice. NO ONE is willing to just sit at a kopi tiam (where it's cheap) and simply stone and spend some quality time with each other anymore.
No wonder everyone is out looking for a spouse. When you have a girl or boy friend, he or she is dedicated to you. It is a must to meet up every once in awhile (for ppl like ben it's slightly more though) and almost mandatory that a simple gesture of an sms or a phone call is to be made everyday!
Hey! I like attention and that fact has been known to myself for a really long time! Nevertheless fear of failure has led me to a state whereby I create barriers between myself and others. I simply lost the ability and courage to open my mouth and tell people whom I have special feelings for what I really feel. So much so that I start to ignore, shun and eventually drift away from them.
No wonder I could never bring myself to "jioing" ppl I've known for ages. If you go after someone new, there's nothing to lose! You havent even gotten to know him/her (err only hers for my case) well enough to lose whatever ties you have forged! And goodey two shoes me also cannot bring myself to having one night stands or taking advantage of women and flirting irresponsibily. In that sense, I even fail as a "Swinging Bachelor!"
Some people..... In fact, many have told me, "Hey JeRmS, I'm sure you have the ability to get practically any girl you wanted. You're nice, sweet, and funny! Plus you don't look half bad!"
Thanks guys but sometimes it's all about my own mental. I've come to realise that I'm all talk and no action. I know what's to be done and many times I even give some good advice! (Come on... you know its true) But somehow I just can't walk the walk.
Then again.... The issue here is NOT about having a spouse, but about dependancy. Companionship is more important than anything else!(Ok..... that kinda sounds towards the road of gay'dom but whatever..) That's what I thought when I boldly claimed that I have seen the light on love and relationships. So what do you do when every buddy and pal that braved the stormy weathers with you leave after finding their own compainions? Emptiness is what remains. No one but god can stay beside you all the way. But how long can you last with something/one that is based only on firm belief? Not that I do not I am only human. And humans are weak.
Well I'm already 20 years young and in 2 months time I'd be 21..... The clock is ticking. 5 years ago I'd say time will tell.... Can I still say the same 5 years from now?
Gawd...... I suck..... Haha someone smack some of the confidence I used to have in me and I'd treat you to ice cream........ Fail and I'd smack you back! haha.
posted by JeRmS at 10:17 AM
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