It suddenly happened

I just woke up.... I kinda feel like shit. (Stupid phone call...)

Every morning I wake up and feel pukish.
Something's probably wrong with me.
Oh well...

Today feels a li'l worse than normal.
Must be cuz of my dream.

It was her. (Stupid dream..)

I wandered around aimlessly under a block of flats for ages with a plastic bag of fries and coke from KFC.(Don't ask why... I was probably hungry)
Finally I headed upstairs. I hesistated when I was at the door but somehow I knew that I wanted to get in. I wanted to call her just to see if she was around but I couldn't... Or rather... I wouldn't. Simply because I knew she would not pick up the phone.

My heart raced. "What the heck", I told myself. "I'm already at her door step." I rang the bell and to my surprise there was a young indian girl, probably 15-18years of age who opened it.

"Where is 'she'?" I asked.

She disappeared for a while came back with "her". I didn't know how to react (as always). There were so many things that I wanted to ask her and tell her that I did not know where to begin. My mind was filled with so many why's and how come's that I almost broke down in tears.

She looked fine. Fabulous even. Yet different. Something in her was missing... her innoncence.

"Where have you been?", I asked. "You refuse to pick up my calls and you never reply my SMS's. Why must it be that I have to come down personally to your house before I can talk to you?"

All she could do was laugh. A cheecky one at that. Still just as careless and irresponsible as from the first day we met. She didn't even bother to reply. Or rather, her replies were always so vague that she'd might as well shut up. It was tormentuos just to even talk to her yet something in me told me that I wanted to.

I followed her down the stairs and she met up with a guy. Somehow I couldn't figure out who he was. At first I thought he was "M" but later she recieved a phone call in which I simply knew it was "M" on the line. The 3 of us walked on. All the time I was trying to get her attention. All the questions that I wanted to ask were simply rejected by nonchalent glances as she continues to talk on the phone.

Finally we sat down. It wasn't the best of places, (a hawkercentre) but at least she was off the phone. By hook or by crook I needed to get answers. What did I do that pissed her off so much. Why can't she be a li'll nicer to me. Have I failed so much as a human being that I'm totally unable to maintain a friendship with someone whom I USED to share a thing called love? Or did I hurt her so bad that even the sight of my number on her phone would make her turn in disgust.

I walked out to take a look at the food and with every step that I took, I knew that I was getting closer to my answers. Just as I was heading back, my FUC*ING telephone rings. (I wake up... stupid "pak kee")

I'm pissed... Shut up... Don't talk to me.
Like I said... What a shitty dream.